Thursday, March 06, 2008

Mama Cerise

Here's your slightly squicky moment of the day. I heard this song by Annie Lennox, Mama, from The Avengers soundtrack. What, you may ask, was I doing listening to such a totally random album such as this? Blame Pandora, my dears.

I think this song is becoming my own song. You know those nerdy people who have 'a song'? Or, even worse, couples that have 'their song'? Well, Ramon and I can't claim the latter yet, thank god, but I think Mama's going to be my song for a while. The good? It speaks to a lot of things I think are true of me, and what I wish to be to my friends. The squicky? There's a lot in it, most of it, actually, that deals with how sexual and abundant the subject is, and how much the singer longs to lose themselves in her. So. Uh...I guess that's something that I want people to feel with me - that I'm sexual, very, abundant (there's not a diet in the world, my dears...) and joyful. Different. Unafraid, or at least unafraid enough to not cower away from being wholly and truly me.

This is more personal than I generally care to get, and I am sorry if this is seriously gross for you, but here's the song:

Mama - Annie Lennox

I was watching the woman that was walking down my street
Walking with grace, so beautifully, carefully
She's a big and pretty mother, big and pretty mother
Swinging her hand-bag back and forth so joyfully
She's drawing circles with her breasts in her jumper

Give me a big mother
Huge and loving one
I can crawl upon
And cling to

She's a large woman...
Warm and cuddly...
Wet lady...
Strong mother...

She's walking down the street in front of my window
Whistling funky tunes in the ears of my neighbours

Give me a big mother
One that will always want me
Hot, embracing mother
I can crawl upon
And cling to

Can't be safer, can't be more secure
Than with a breast in each palm
Than with a breast in each palm
That is the way that I was born
And that is the way that I want to die

Give me a big mother
Yes, a soft and wet one
That would caress me
In all those special places
Where's a strong mother
One that squeezes me
One that I can crawl upon

Yeah, so...a very weird image to paste onto a friend's familiar aura. But there it is. I've read somewhere that women spend their 20s getting taken care of, and in their 30s begin wishing to care for others. I was very pessimistic about my ability to ever get over myself enough to ever care for anyone besides my Ramon and my family (and that painfully imperfectly), but I'm watching myself get all Mama Bear lately, especially at parties where everyone's that combination of mellow and slightly crazed, where emotions are high and good-natured interventions are sometimes called for. I seem to find myself intervening. And I'm glad - obviously I'm still a good Gemini/performer personality: very ME oriented. I mean I'm never going to actually get OVER myself, but I'm so happy to have found friends that I'd put myself on the line for. And I hope that they feel magnificently loved. Even if it's loved by a slightly crazy, sexual, twisted, large-ish lady who never means to, but sometimes does, embarrass herself and/or anyone in her general vicinity.

It's nothing but love, darlings, and I feel it for you.


P.S. I don't, nor have I ever, thought that people with 'songs' are nerds. Or, at least, they are, but I do too and I've always been a proud dork, so...get offended, 'song' people, or not, but I'm with you 100%.

P.P.S. I am not unaware of the bitter irony, while we're on the subject of me becoming more of a mother the older I get, that although I sometimes embrace a Mama Bear role and love and yearn to be around many children as well, I have never wanted to bear children of my own.

P.P.P.S. If you think you'll ever catch me in a jumper (the American or UK version), think again.


Blogger Kari Morris-Guzman said...

You're so funny Cerise! First of all, the song isn't THAT bad. Secondly, I've never had a "song" either.
Your thoughts on the song were very reflective and I really appreciated them. Since we've gotten re-acquainted these last several months in our conversations you have seemed very "motherly" to me. Part of that is because you know how to love people well. But I've already told you that.
I can't wait to see you this summer and get a big mama hug from you! (smile)

3/06/2008 1:48 PM  
Blogger Kari Morris-Guzman said...

By the way...
"squicky"?? That's a silly word.

3/06/2008 1:50 PM  
Blogger Cerise said...

Oh, hey, look! One of the friends I was talking about/to!

You're right about the song, of course. I just feel funny asking people to read the lyrics and think of me. Particularly because my breasts are indeed...well. Rather large.

Hang on. I thought you were mothering me! Just kidding. We're both Mama Bears takin' care of ze other.

Baby, I will SMOTHER you. Depend on it. And 'squicky' is a word of my own making. I think maybe a cross between squirrelly and icky. There needed to be one.

Love you...

3/06/2008 2:36 PM  
Blogger Aly said...

I think your breasts would look fan-effing-tastic in a jumper. If by jumper you mean sweater.

I have, too, found a bit more of the Mama Bear coming out during the last couple of years. There's something totally elemental and female about soft comfort paired with fierce protection...wear it proudly, Mama!

3/06/2008 4:41 PM  
Blogger Kari Morris-Guzman said...

Actually...this may come as a surprise to you...but- I don't remember your breasts. Ha!

3/06/2008 6:44 PM  
Blogger Harley Ferris said...

All I can think about now is Jeff from "Coupling": "Heheh. Breasts."

But seriously... nice post--honest writing is always appreciated. I think there is definitely something lost in translation when people talk about being sexual with each other. I don't think it means rampant sex with everyone you know. I think it means fully embodying your sex and sharing it with others. If we're truly going to love each other, we're going to have to stop pretending we don't need each other, and if we're going to need each other, we're going to have recognize those core needs of comfort, acceptance, compassion and unconditional love. And those are the gifts of a mother.

I hope we can all be mothers to those around us.

3/07/2008 8:22 AM  
Blogger Cerise said...

Dude, seriously. I've had tits on the brain ever since. Actually, since last weekend, when we attended the Seattle Erotic Arts Festival for the first time. Everyone came dressed a little slutty (whatever that means for them, which means there was a veritable panoply of very different ideas about what sexy looks like) and there were shows and such - just opened up my mind to how many people walk around unafraid to show themselves, lock eyes with you, share themselves (there was no actual nudity, BTW. Just a lot of normal people wearing sexier things than usual) made me feel a lot more brave. Not just sexually, either. More brave to share and to connect with people on a much deeper level than before.

Kind of what you seem to be thinking about, Harley. And stop being so insightful - makin' all the women fall in love with you. What would Gabi think?? Lucky girl...

3/07/2008 10:05 AM  
Blogger Gaea said...

You know, I read this post and giggled, a bit to myself, at the end - my children playing gamecube beside me on the couch said, "What?" (as if I am not the laughing sort) and I said, "Nothing... Mommy just has a very funny friend." I am so glad that you are back in my life. You make me smile.

3/26/2008 2:14 PM  

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