Tuesday, August 23, 2011

morning spider - a very deep-sounding personal reflection

new day

stumbling to the toiley

(effing cat really has to stop lounging in the bedroom doorway. No one's feeding her until Ramon gets up, whether or not she trips me up and gets pissed on for her trouble)

compliance meeting today - fuuuuck meee...

Call in sick?   Yes:    No: x   (dammit)

Bathroom light on. AIEEEEE MY EYES


HUGE DADDY LONG LEGS IN THE SINK. Doing that...sweet jesus, that BOBBING THING. Bobbing up and down, up and down. Sink walls clearly unscalable.

must pee must must must must

toilet MUCH too close to the sink

kill it

"No, no, NO!! Earth trees mountains living together hungry children recycle like a good girl no jobs people hit dogs sometimes toxic sludge grownups yell at kids with scared eyes fucking pipeline offshore bullshit anonymous will take us back to teh stone age and maybe quite good says I Arcade Fire prolly agrees earth and trees shower don't bathe la la laaaa people just need to be loved and THIS SPIDER SHALL NOT PERISH."

Ah. The preachy voices always wake up first. At least I tend to agree with the Negative Hippie (and she never gets me up with "This day presents you with all the problems you didn't see to yesterday and probably made worse by your neglect. Today's a new day and you will most likely disappoint yourself" like the Old Church Lady). So. The spider lives.

Problem #1: can't touch that bitch. Cerise kills few things (besides mosquitoes or cockroaches and I would kill mantises 'cause they're fucking naaaasty-looking but they're too big) but she won't touch 'em, my precious. Noooo spank you.

Problem #2: Daddy can't get out of the sink. I need that sink. If I were a spider (YEEEEK) what would be a good ladder?

dart to the sink, carefully toss washcloth near (but not on, or at, 'cause I'm pretty sure those bastards can jump) Old Daddy and rocket back again

He climbs. HE CLIIIIMBS! Up up up the cloth, to the edge of The World.

Oh, damn. Problem #3: *Now* what? I'm NOT going to hold anything for him elevator-style (ohhh, HELL no ick ick ick ickyyyyyy).

Ah. No. Apparently this is the sort of spider that can let itself down on - oh, I don't know - a line. Made of SPIDER WEB. Dumbass.

Suddenly he's drifting down, legs feathering out like a dancer's, pedaling gracefully for the descent. Touchdown so soft I can't tell when he actually stopped moving. A couple more bobs (ew)...and he ambles behind the toilet and out of my sight.





Blogger Chrissy said...

I know I probably shouldn't be chuckling right now....

8/23/2011 11:21 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

Oh dear god, you could pee with him BEHIND THE TOILET?!? I'd have been stuck peeing in the freaking sink!


Also- tupperware. Let them crawl into tupperware, slam lid down, run away and throw it outside with lid loose enough to pop off when it hits. That's all the chance I give em. That's my extent of good deeds towards spiders.


8/25/2011 4:07 PM  

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