Studies now show that the more specific a new wife is able to be about listing attributes she values in her husband, the longer their marriage is likely to last. The more vague she is ("nice guy, fun, funny, intelligent") the more likely the couple will become disenchanted rather quickly with each other and they'll be much less likely to weather the storms of marriage well. Though we've been married too long now for me to be considered a new wife, I still see the merit in listing your beloved's good points as often as possible. AND, I want things to go on in our marriage as long as possible, so in a panic I've decided to make my first all-time, top-five list of things I really love about Ramon. In no particular order:
1. His gentleness. Ramon's got his good points and bad points, his kindnesses and cruelties, but I have never seen him act in a cavalier or precipitous manner toward anyone (including me). He has never raised a hand to any animal or human - besides some minor shoving matches with his brother as children. I have never heard him raise his voice in anger. He rarely says things to people that he regrets later. This is probably a normal by-product of the fact that he tends to be quiet, more passive and avoids conflict, but I still think it's noteworthy (and since I'm a human hurricane sometimes - blowing around saying this is 'dreadful' and that person's a fool, shouting and cursing and later apologizing extravagantly) that he...
takes care with people's feelings.
2. His hair. The man's got killer hair; glossy, black-brown, straight, silky and soft. It parts in the middle and hangs around his forehead in two perfect wings. It falls perfectly back in place when one runs one's hands through it. I
hate being married to someone with prettier hair than me, but I sure love to have it around. Even if it's not mine.
3. His serenity. Ramon can be troubled, careworn, peevish and frustrated just like any human, but he mostly walks around in a personal well of peace. It's great to live around. We've been a couple for ten years now, and even though I have about as much peace wafting around me as a tornado, his general air of well-being is even rubbing off on me. He is one of the most self-actualized people I've ever met. He is who he is and you are who you are and the fact that he accepts you as you are makes him the finest friend I have. He'll acknowledge something he doesn't like about my behavior, but it's in a "yeah, it's rough sometimes. So what? Change or don't change - we'll deal with it either way" sort of manner.
4. His aspirations. Ramon wants all the good stuff. He wants no one to go hungry. He wants the entertainment industry to focus more on authentic expression and less on money. He wants people of different religions, cultures and countries to get along and work things out. He wants to be a freelance artist - not rich, he just wants to make enough cabbage doing what he does best to pay the rent and keep himself in Dickies and software. He wants to be physically fit. He wants to pick up the trumpet again and play in a jazz group. He wants to become a faster reader. He wants to record really good industrial and experimental electronic music. He wants to learn a bunch of languages. He wants to live and do his work in Europe - preferably warm, coastal parts of Spain. What he wants makes him who he is - I love him as much for his dreams as I do for what's there in the here and now.
5. [you of the weak stomachs may want to pass this one up] His affection. Thiiiis is a selfish one, I admit, and hopefully he never reads my blog any more, but he just loves me really well. He's not generally a demonstrative person, but I never, never go wanting for gestures of love. And if I'm feeling neglected (rare) a word will bring him into my arms professing adoration. I hear "I love you" at least 5 times a day (I'm not kidding). We play email chess and I can expect a kind message along with a devilish move (I suck at chess) every day. He even wakes up in the morning to give me a hug and a kiss before I leave for work (he works later than I do - bastard).
6. [all RIGHT, I know this is a top
five list - sue me naked!] His laugh. He has the best laugh I've ever heard. He chuckles a lot, but when you hear that loud laugh from his whole body you KNOW you've just said something really, really funny. I spend a lot of time and energy trying to make him really laugh. I also love watching "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" with him because there are parts of it that get him every time.
So, there you go. I'm married to a prince. Monchis, if you read this blog I really hope you're not too embarrassed, honey. Poor man.
Cerise
